The First Time I…Made a Friend as an Adult

I remember the first day of kindergarten clearly. There were multiple pods set up with different activities. I sat down at some sort of hammer-things-into-holes table. And there they were. My very first best friends, though they didn’t know it yet. Stephanie and Chase.

When you are a kid, making friends is relatively easy. It can be the first people you meet in your kindergarten class. Or someone you sit on the swings with at recess. Or the person you walk home with after school.

As we grow, our life becomes more demanding. Making friends takes effort. Maintaining friendships takes effort. Friendships are unique because unlike family, we choose to enter into this relationship. It is voluntary and lacks a formal structure.

First Day of Kindergarten

As an adult, it seems most common and perhaps most natural to make friends at work. These are people you can relate to and who can relate to you. You can grab a coffee at lunch or a drink after work. Minimal effort.

Maybe this is why the first friend I made as an adult was at work. She is a wonderful person with a great sense of humour and a brilliantly apathetic outlook on life. It was basically fate. A coworker had already told me that we would get along great. And we did. And we got coffee at lunch and drinks after work. Easy.

But sometimes you need a friend outside of work. Someone to escape the office life with. Someone the opposite of you. Someone to learn from. This is where my second adult friendship comes in. We both had to learn a dance to perform at a mutual friend’s wedding. So, by default, we already had this spectacularly awkward performance between us. Nothing bonds you like shared embarrassment. From then on, we just clicked. Her energy countered my lethargy. Her extroverted nature complimented my introverted nature. She drank white wine; I drank red wine. And we both have frizzy hair. Friendship formed.

Then there is the friend I have never met. My social media friend. We clicked instantly (pun intended). You can learn a lot about someone from their social media accounts. We shared the same interests. We shared the same values. She is someone I trust and treasure. I have never met anyone quite like her.

So despite what they say, it is possible. Making friends as an adult is possible. Even in Vancouver. I love my old friends and I love my new friends. I know who I can call if I am stranded in the middle of no where. I know who I can drunk dial at 3am. I know who to go to after a break up. I know who to call to explore fancy restaurants and dive bars. And I know who I can call to lie with on the floor motionless and watch TV upside down. And hopefully they know they can call me too.

Adult Lesson in Friendship:

Once upon a time, I strolled in for interview wearing my only Aritzia item, a gorgeous silky blazer bought from Facebook Marketplace and a fancy folder that had nothing in it but gave me something to do with my hands. The hot girl working at the concierge gave me a look. Great. Good start. I thought, “What a b****.” She just had that air about her. Perfect hair. Perfect makeup. Perfect manicured nails covered in diamonds. And a cold stare that she could immediately transform into a dazzling smile for a customer.

The Interview went well. I got hired that day. And within a week, said b**** adopted me. And by adopted me, I mean she would burst into my office unannounced, sprawl herself out across my desk, bring me coffee and gossip. Upon meeting, it would seem we have nothing in common. But we share a strong love of wine, enthusiasm for Brooklyn 99, and an admiration for Golden Girls (though she affectionately refers to me as a golden girl because I don’t know what YOLO means and I wear cardigans). We share our wildest stories at the most inappropriate times and exchange knowing glances across the table at meetings. She understands my raunchy jokes and makes ones that are undeniably worse. She doesn’t judge me or the obscene things I have done because she has done the same things, or worse. On occasion, she has even sent her husband to pick my drunk ass up from Oscar’s or her dad to pick me up from work. PEAK FRIENDSHIP.

Since leaving that job and over the course of the pandemic, our friendship has evolved to tagging each other in Call Her Daddy memes and sporadically sending CAPS text messages scattered with heart emojis professing our love for one another. Once you meet this girl, you don’t forget her. And she doesn’t forget you. A shiny, icy, silver exterior with a giant warm golden heart. Though our friendship has changed, she sure hasn’t. Some people never change. They just stay awesome.

Lesson Learned: Never judge a wine by its label.

Pure Unfiltered Joy